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Support an independent artisan

14 Jun

Dream Hats is run by a tremendously talented milliner who also happens to be a friend of mine, and they just purchased a brand new-to-them booth at the Scarborough Renaissance Festival!

The booth is beautiful, but in need of some renovation–and there’s also stock to make, and payments to pay. Her work speaks for itself, but trust me when I say she’s also a hilarious, thoughtful, generous (check out Kari’s Hope), and generally awesome person.  I’ve donated to the IndieGoGo campaign already, and I encourage you all to check out her work and donate as well.

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Soliciting suggestions: Scarlet Witch headdress edition

1 Jan

Happy new year! I have begun 2013 in the way I intend to continue: with food, sex, sleep, and even a little creativity. Then,between the creativity and the bit where I’m fully dressed and curled up under a brand-new heated fleece throw because it’s cold, I started thinking about things that distress me and I realized I need help.

As you may recall, a while ago we did this Post-Apocalyptic Avengers thing, and really enjoyed it. So we’re doing it again. And I have a problem. I cannot figure out what to do about the Scarlet Witch’s motherfucking headdress. The more I talked to people, the more I realized the costume just wasn’t reading, even in the group, without it. For all I think it’s kind of stupid, it needs to be there.

To recap, this is what said headdress looks like:

Yeah.

Yup.

As evidenced by the fact that I tied on a red bandana and called it a day, I have no idea how to translate this weird piece of gear into a post-apocalyptic setting. It makes NO SENSE.

I’m considering an Assassin’s Creed-style hood (more Ezio than Altair), worn further back with a more pronounced widow’s peak, in the same red canvas as the coat:

Altair (L) and Ezio (R), being attractive and well-dressed as is their custom

Hellooooo gentlemen

I’ve also considered:

  • making the damn headdress out of canvas and just wearing it flat against my head, to hell with it
  • getting some kind of helmet or hat or something (maybe an aviator helmet?) and painting/appliqueing the design
  • devil horns
  • duct tape
  • setting everything on fire and starting again with a character whose original artist was not sniffing glue

None of these ideas make me very happy, so if you’re reading this and you’re not too busy recovering from the poor choices you made last night, do me a solid and give me some suggestions. I’ll be your best friend.

On the strapless gown

24 Sep

I admittedly don’t understand the majority of red carpet choices, especially in the current era of Plunging Necklines Without Necklaces. My interest in clothing ends right about the time the Titanic sank.

That being said, would someone please explain to me why Christina Hendricks, who is a stunningly beautiful and talented actress, keeps showing up to red carpets wearing these dreadful strapless gowns that make her breasts look like basketballs?

Actually, you know what, why are strapless gowns a thing? They flatter approximately six of the three billion women in the world, and when those six women wear them they can’t raise their arms, scratch, sneeze, or do anything for fear their breasts will go flying out of their containers. The rest of us look either monumentally flat-chested, or as though our breasts are about to riot.

That’s four emmy’s dresses where the bodice looks like an afterthought tacked on at 5 in the morning by a terrified intern drunk on wine coolers. That green thing? is gorgeous! If I had a skirt like that I would wear it every day, and swan around the city introducing myself as Queen Frostine of the Merpeople, here to bless their meaningless lives with my Magical, Sparkly Presence. So I’m actually a little angry at that stupid, stupid seashell top thing. This could be a spectacular gown, if somebody had bothered to say “you know what’s fucking stupid? Strapless gowns.” It looks unfinished. It looks half-done. It looks fucking sloppy.

I think this is part of the larger trend of red carpet fashion for women to look done up, but not too done up. Like sure, I’m wearing a $17,000 gown encrusted with the crystallized tears of virgin water pixies, but I’m not wearing it on purpose. I just fell out of bed and into this custom-fitted gown. And these $6,400 shoes. And this $5,000 gold bangle that is my only piece of decoration because too much jewelry is vulgar or something, and of course the hundreds of dollars and countless hours of hair and makeup just so I can look as fresh-faced and “natural” as no one ever looks without hundreds of dollars of makeup.

It’s such a strange reversal. When fabric and jewelry were mostly hand-made and therefore expensive, the wealthy decked themselves in as much finery as they could carry and the rest of us dressed much more simply. Now jewelry and accessories are mass-produced, and we can finally start wearing a bunch of them without breaking the bank, but we shouldn’t. Because one accessory is enough, apparently. Anything else is vulgar.

That dress that makes your breasts/legs/ass look great

20 Jun

Every time I work a faire, I discover some new Awesome Thing That I Can’t Live Without. My teensy apartment is full of wooden straws, leather pouches, and striped knee socks. It’s a problem.

The 2012 Scarborough Ren Fest saw me discovering My Favorite Dress. Their shop was right next to the pub sing, and I fell in love with one of the short dresses (in vivid purple and blue) so hard that I bought it without trying it on, which I hardly ever do, because I’ve got an enormous rib cage, broad shoulders, and long arms and legs. So I went home and put it on and have basically not taken it off since then, except eventually I wanted some variety, so I bought another. Same dress, different color (darker purple and black).

I have basically lived in these dresses since then. They’re gorgeous, comfy, unusual, and they make me look fantastic. They go everywhere. I can dress them up with leggings and a shrug and a hat, or wear them over jeans to be casual without being schlubby. They have a lot of flounce, and the cut is stupid flattering. And and and, miracle of miracles, they’re long enough for me to wear without anything under them! I have a 36″ inseam; finding dresses that are long enough to be decent has been a challenge since I was a tiny tot. But they’re still cute short dresses! WTF THAT NEVER HAPPENS.

So, I love these dresses. We’ve established that. I highly recommend them. And while wearing them (and, let’s face it, admiring myself in the mirror) I remembered how much I like kicky little dresses that can go with anything. I am, at this very second, wearing a dress that is actually a bathing suit coverup from Target, which I bought last year and typically pair with jeans and just look so damned cute in. I also have a couple of sarongs that I like to wear. I come to you, Gentle Readers, because I need more.

So recommend me your favorite dresses. They should be adorable, and purple, and forgiving in the approximate region of the midriff.

Poll time!

3 Apr

I promise some fresh, substantial content is coming, but in the meantime, please tell me: should I get a serger, or an adjustable dressmaker’s dummy?

I need your help: Hunger Games costuming

30 Jan

You may be aware of a book called The Hunger Games. If you’re not, you should become familiar for two reasons: one, it’s a good book, and two, this post will not make any sense otherwise.

The movie of the book comes out in March. And I am going. At midnight. In costume.

There are lots of options for Hunger Games costuming! Katniss has half a dozen outfits, each described in just enough detail to keep the interpreting of them fun. Once a book becomes a movie, costuming fandom tends to overlook book-inspired takes on the characters (OH HI, HARRY POTTER) that don’t match the movie’s costuming, so AFAIC, the premiere of a movie is the last chance to have fun with dressing up. And “for fun” is the only legitimate reason in my mind to dress up.

So.

I didn’t think too hard about what I would want to dress as. To be honest, I didn’t think about it at all before I made my decision. I mean…I am not going to cover myself in coal dust. And I am not going to sew anything. So as Lord Elrond would say, I have only one choice. The Ring must be cast I am going as a citizen of the Capitol.

I have a ridiculous, horrifying, slightly stinky faux fur coat that I bought for  a Jane Austen’s Fight Club costume a few years ago. In my stocking this year, my parents gave me temporary lip tattoos*. I have a purple bob wig that my hair may or may not completely fit under. To be perfectly accurate, I have an entire closet of questionable fashion choices and a lifetime’s worth of loving tacky shit at my disposal.

With Capitol residents, the sky is the limit–whiskers, green skin, gold facial tattoos, blue lips, the list goes on. I admit to being a little daunted by the world of choices before me. So help me out! Give me suggestions, people! What would YOU say are the absolute must-haves for a Capitol citizen costume?

*the latest in a long line of silly things given as stocking gifts. One year I got a Catwoman Happy Meal action figure. I was 20. She lives on my car’s dashboard and rattles when I go over 70.

The Hamstersaurus costume I didn’t know I needed, and tiny boxing gloves

16 Sep

First, I want to point everyone to this beautiful thing:

Hamstersaurus Rex, the King of the Dinosaurs!

It’s a dinosaur costume for hamsters. Of course it is! You guys I must have this. I have $5; all I need is a hamster and a way to keep the hamster safe from the cats. If you’re similarly interested in this piece of amazingness, check out the Etsy listing.

In the meantime, does anyone have any ideas on how to create a pair of tiny boxing gloves, specifically to fit onto the tiny fists of a small stuffed bear? No particular reason, particularly not one related to an upcoming baptism of the baby of a boxer. I’m just curious.

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