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Bring Back The Baby Goats: A Character Study

11 May

Things Ragnar Lothbrok Loves Most Of All, Beginning with the Most Loved Thing

  • Athelstan
  • being a drama queen
  • sailing for adventure on the bounding main/his sons (tie)
  • Floki
  • The Ladies
  • baby goats
  • being a drama queen (Did I say that twice it’s because Ragnar Lothbrok is a GIANT DRAMA QUEEN)

Doing Science: Ranking Candy

11 Apr
In my free time I have been conducting a thorough investigation of Sweet Tarts’ Easter-themed candy, which is called Chicks Ducks and Bunnies.
This particular type of Sweet Tart comes in five colors (green, red, blue, yellow, purple) and three shapes (chick, duck, bunny).
After EXTENSIVE research, I can say with certainty that the best ones are as follows, presented here from Most Ideal Sweet Tart to Least Good Candy Ever:
  • Green Chicks
  • Green Bunnies
  • Red Chicks
  • Blue Chicks
  • Green Ducks
  • Purple Chicks
  • Purple Bunnies
  • Blue Bunnies
  • Red Bunnies
  • all other Ducks
  • mushy old carrots
  • onions snuck into otherwise beautifully cooked cheeseburgers
  • Voldemort
  • all yellow pieces

Of course science is ever-changing, and there’s plenty of room for peer review.

Fan casting Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver

9 May

So Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch are kindasorta confirmed for The Avengers sequel due out in 2015.

At first I was like:


And then I was like:


And then I was like:

“Wait just a cotton pickin minute here.”  Because I have a lot of question. Like how are you going to introduce a pair of heroes whose powers are the result of mutation into a canon without mutants? How are you going to deal with them being the children of-a-character who doesn’t exist in this canon thing? Will there be incest (please no)? Will Wanda go crazy and fuck shit up? How are you going to fit yet another arrogant son of a bitch and yet another ticking time bomb of barely controlled extraordinary power into the Avengers movie lineup? And most importantly, who are you going to cast and where can I send my resume?

This last bit is what’s really been concerning me. Post-nasal drip has left me too miserable to focus on much anything else, so let’s talk my dreamcast. No, it has nothing to do with costuming, except in the roundabout way that I got  interested in the characters while researching them for costuming purposes. Go with me on this and in a couple of days I’ll be back to tell you more about the grape fairies, which proceed swimmingly despite my misery.

SO. My Super Important Fan Cast!


Full disclosure: I have no idea what’s going on here

As Elrond once told us, you have only one choice. And that choice is Alexander Skarsgard.


Elrond would have picked this man had he the chance.

This guy is the hub around which all my other casting wishes revolve. It negates any chance of the twins being youngsters just discovering their powers, which I feel is a likely and also interesting way to introduce them, but I don’t care.

If the first two seasons of True Blood taught us anything, it’s that Alexander Skarsgard is capable of playing an arrogant, impatient, temperamental, frequently bored, enormously sexy son of a bitch who constantly hops back and forth between evil and not-so-evil. Furthermore, he can make said character really compelling. His hair is pretty close to being right, and also, did I mention that he is beautiful? Because he is beautiful. Also, he’s European! He’s, ya know, Northern European, but Transia doesn’t exist, I can’t think of any Eastern European actors who are bankable in the US, and anyway, there are Romani people living in Sweden, so I’m going with it.

Honorable Mentions: Ben Foster (he could do amazing things with this character), Jamie Bamber


I hope he texts me.

Scarlet Witch


Phenomenal cosmic powers…itty bitty living space.

Since Vivien Leigh is tragically no longer with us, I admit to initially being at a bit of a loss. Michelle Pfeiffer, though a glorious woman of ageless beauty, has probably aged out of the role. People keep suggesting Zooey Deschanel, and I am like:


I thought about Emily Blunt, and I do love her, but it just didn’t sit right. Then I was like “WAIT A MINUTE”:

Marion Cotillard

marion cotillard

She’s an amazing actor, fully capable of portraying enormous strength and vulnerability side by side . Unhinged/barely hinged characters are, if not her specialty, certainly a staple of her filmography (if you haven’t seen Love Me If You Dare or La Vie en Rose go out and do it what are you waiting for OMG), and she plays them with a certain measure of grace that keeps even a caricature from being a caricature. When she’s onscreen, I can’t take my eyes off of her. Plus, European again! Everybody wins!

Honorable Mentions: Emily Blunt, anybody but Zooey Deschanel, seriously anybody as long as it’s not Eliza Dushku, who I also saw suggested and I just don’t understand people.

BONUS: Ms. Marvel

ms marvel

Disney/Marvel apparently has a script about Ms. Marvel in development, so while we’re here, let’s just go ahead and say what we all know in our hearts to be true:

Katee Sackhoff

katee sackhoff


Honorable Mention: nobody. Fuck all y’all; Katee is the only choice.

I’d love to hear your own dream cast for these characters. Or hell, any characters! Let’s not limit ourselves. For example, I believe Ant Man should be played by Russel Crowe, because my only exposure to Ant Man is in Ultimates, and in Ultimates, he’s, well, an awful person. FITTING, RIGHT? Right.

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